Hopeless Devoted To You
by Thecamphalfbloodgirls
Summary: Zander is still madly in love with Jenna. And he won't stop, until she loves him again. ZanderxJenna
1. Chapter 1

They say you never know what you've got till it's gone but I did. I knew before she said goodbye. It's a lie to say I knew from day one but I caught on quickly. But like usual I screwed up. Girls like bad boys, not monsters and I am a monster.

She had blonde hair that waved slightly when she didn't straighten or curl it. Blonde hair that sprung up gracefully with each step. Blue eyes that on most days reminded me of glaciers, blue eyes that made every angry bone in my body calm. Every muscle relax. She often smelt like lilacs or jasmine or some sort of plant. I can't identify it because to me it just smelled like _her_.

Those things are just physical and if there's anything Jenna has taught me it's that there's more behind the skin and bone. No i'm not talking about muscles or intestines or anything of the sort. I'm talking about something much deeper. Something until now i've never paid attention to. Something i've ran away from

Like the way she drove me crazy with her words. Not kisses though those drove me wild too. Words. The way she held herself woth respect and the values she kept. She could've given in so many times but she didn't. The way she looked at the world in a different light. It wasn't small, or dull, or polluted. It was large and beautiful and something worth preserving.

She was a warm fire in the dark cold cave that is me. The problem is monsters live in caves, monsters put out fires.** I am a monster.**

I am not perfect. I am not smart or kind, or gentle. I am not perfect but at least I accept that. I may be weird nobody may understand me frankly I don't understand myself. I'm alright with that. At least i'm not pretending to be perfect.

"I am lost, I am vain. I will never be the same without you," The song played on my ipod tugging my thoughts back to her. Back to her sweet smile, her light laugh and her glow. Back to the way she said i'll never change. Because according to someone's dumb idea of love you can't change someone.

That is a big fat lie

But it's also the truth. You can't change anyone, because they have to change themselves. And she taught me that you can feel more than just a kiss, just a hug, or just a night in bed. Now she has taught me and I have to practice. Then i'll have to pass some sort of test.

"Only know you've been high when you're feeling low. Only on the road when you're missing home. Only know you love her when you let her go..."

I did not let her go. I am not giving in so easily.

**I am not giving up**


	2. Chapter 2

I know i'm a failure. I accepted it long ago, embraced it and in some ways lived off that.

But then I met her. She was perfect, flawless in a human way. She had problems but I learned to live them.

Then I decided I was tired of being a failure. I wanted to change, I wanted to make a difference so I kissed her. No nkt Jenna I kissed Artemis. If your wondering why I did it, it had nothing to do with any attraction to her. I wanted to make a difference I wanted tk kindly ask her if she'd make the promise to swear off men a little less...deadly. When she wouldn't I thought a kiss would make it all better. That one kiss would show her what sort of thing she's missing out on. But maybe I shouldn't have kissed her because she would still be here if I hadn't. Everything would be fine.

"Roe baby careful," I advised my fifteen month old niece as she began eating the remote. Jamie sat next to me helping me build a miniature city. More like I wad building and hr was throwing them around. I can't remember my dad ever doing these things with me. I remember driving race cars with him at three, sneaking into night clubs at ten, getting all sorts of magazines and items no six year old should have. I remember videos my mother disapproved of and advice that seemed good at the time. The problem is when there's so many people telling you different things it's difficult. Mom said I would grow up to be a charming young man. Respectful, gentle, and a bunch of stuff expected from the goddess of love. Dad wanted me to be a ruthless man who didn't care about other people's feelings. He wanted me to be one of those guys who bang their hands on their chests and say 'Me man. Me make fire,' and a whole lot more expected of Hades. Uncle Zues never had good expectations for me. He was too focused on always pushing his daughter above me. Always busy trying to push me down. Uncle Poseidon was always kind when he saw me, the kinda dad I wish mine was sometimes. I rarely got to be around him. But as messed up as I am, as much as I wished I had a bit more of a stable childhood i'm ok with how things went.

Except for the fact there was no good examples. They all cheated their spouses countless times. Why wasn't Blake like that? Probably becausr no one expected low of her. Why wasn't Rylie like that? Well...That's a debatable statement. She's rocky on relationships in her own way.

That's why i'm never having kids. That's why i'm never getting married. If I don't do any of those things I can't screw up any worse than I already have right?

Roe toddled over and crawled in my lap and smiled up at me and for a moment none of that mattered. I had my niece and my nephew who both love me. They don't see the monster. Or maybe they do. A pit as vast as tarterus formed in my stomach. I don't want to be that bad example. A few mess ups fine, they need to learn it's ok to not be perfect. Something their moms could've used a lesson in.


End file.
